1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
