No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just had sex on a roof
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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