i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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