What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
