apparently the secret to your success is patron
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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