We won't sleep together?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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