You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
