stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
