my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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