i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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