3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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