i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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