there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Someone came in the potted fern
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
