is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He better not be in your backpack
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
