rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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