You can't motorboat a personality
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
