I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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