hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
