By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
