Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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