Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
