I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
