fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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