Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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