Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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