I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
vagina is talking i cant
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
