I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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