Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
