Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
