her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
