i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
