Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
