And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
