we have officially lost it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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