Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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