$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
