If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im part way to drunk.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
