I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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