I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
