Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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