i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
