then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
