so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
