Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
