You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
