I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
