By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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