thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think I won the penis lottery.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
