this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
