she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
