Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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