Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
