He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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