I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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