The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
