Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
