her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
