I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He's on the porch naked. Help.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
