You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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