i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
