i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
