im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
