I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
