I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
