i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
