oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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