I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
