So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
