I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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