You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
