if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Randomize
