Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
