i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
