ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
