You really coming over, don't trick.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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