We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
