did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize