At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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