She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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