sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
