Where did you get a picture of my penis
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
