Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
