I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
