Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
