He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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