Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
