I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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