You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
