and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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