dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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