my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
